


Until Someone Gets Hurt

by LaCacciatrice



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: F/M, Guilt, Minor Injuries, References to Depression, but nothing so dramatic, knight in shining red spandex and blond disney prince, ladrien
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:44:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaCacciatrice/pseuds/LaCacciatrice
Summary: After all the failed attempts to woo Adrien, Marinette decides to make use of Ladybug's good luck to change the fate of her love life. What started with innocent love letters quickly turns out to be a pretty serious subject when Adrien seems enamoured with each word. Drama happens and Marinette makes a decision which turns out to be a bad one when an akuma targets Gabriel Agreste's famous son.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It seems like I lost my touch, I can no longer write good fics (or maybe it's because I'm still new to this fandom) but if you think this is gonna stop me, you're wrong.  
> As always, here comes my warning: English isn't my first language I'm pretty at bad it actually lol #trymybestbutnotsucceed

It all started with Adrien finding a fancy looking dusty pink coloured paper inside his school bag. It was a hot September day that was the reminder of Valentine’s Day being far, far away. Yet it wasn’t uncommon for him to get a love letter here and there. Some boys from his class (definitely Kim and Nino) joked about him being a teen heartthrob due to sudden appearance of random love letters, gifts, chocolates and even flowers. After being a model for a couple of years and getting the attention of girls at his age (and sometimes creepy older girls), he should have gotten used to it, probably. It still made him feel awkward when his friends teased him. He was used to the attention and camera. He was used to seeing his own face on billboards around the city. But his friends’ teasing was often a reminder of his life not being as normal as he hoped it to be. 

Adrien didn’t open the letter until much later, when he got back home from his fencing class. He was tired and hungry and after waiting hopelessly for his father to join him for dinner, his mood was almost 5 below zero. As soon as he entered the room, Plagg disappeared to the nest Adrien made for him. Little cat like god appreciated his personal space sometimes. And he knew once Gabriel ruins Adrien’s mood, there’s no talking to him. Adrien didn’t like Plagg calling his father an asshole. And he definitely didn’t want to know about how much his father neglected him. So, kwami decided to give him his space. 

Adrien reached for his school bag to do his homework as a way to distract himself from his disappointment when he remembered the letter he left between the pages of his history book. He held the letter between his fingers like a delicate flower. For some reason, even without opening it, he felt like this one was a genuine one. Not one of those fan letters telling him how dreamy he was and how much they loved him. It’s not like Adrien didn’t appreciate having fans. He couldn’t believe how some people loved him without even knowing him. And sometimes they sent him really sweet gifts. Yet none of them awakened anything in him. Except that one poem from last Valentine’s Day. Adrien was still curious about it. Did really Ladybug send that poem to him or was it just a wishful thinking?

He opened the letter with a loud sigh. 

_“Ever since our paths crossed, there wasn’t a single day I could stop thinking about those gorgeous green eyes of yours. And I wonder how one could make me so happy without even knowing it, just by simply existing.”_

It was short. Just a few words. Yet Adrien stood there, stupefied, blushing 10 different shades of red.  

The person, whoever wrote this, was talking to him through words like they knew Adrien personally. How could someone pour so much passion and love into few words without actually knowing him? And then there was the first part, ‘ _ever since our paths crossed_ ’. So, they definitely met before. At least once. But no one would write a note like this after just one encounter. No, he knew this person. 

Then his eyes traced the entire paper and found something he wasn’t expecting there to be. 

A signature. With initials.

_L.B._

Adrien slapped a hand against his mouth before he could scream. Now, any other person would think of all the people they knew before even considering Paris’ famous superhero. Yet, Adrien knew her. He knew her personally and he was madly in love with her since the first day. Of course, the first person he thought was her.  _Ladybug_. 

It wasn’t like the first poem where he could just assume. This was real. 

Adrien looked around his room wildly. The first poem! It wasn’t so hard to find. Adrien cherished every single word of that poem and it was almost as important as the blue scarf that his father gave to him for his birthday last year. 

He put both on his desk and carefully scanned every word and letter. It was definitely the same handwriting. So, if this LB was really Ladybug, that means the girl of his dreams sent him a love letter twice so far. 

He couldn’t stop himself from screaming this time.

“What?!” A bewildered Plagg appeared out of nowhere. “An akuma?! At this hour? I was just taking a nap!”

“Not an akuma, Plagg.” Adrien said dreamily, looking down at the papers in his hand. “It’s love.” 

“Oh.” Plagg looked at him blankly. “It was just you being a sap again.”

“You don’t get it, Plagg.” Adrien said eagerly. “Look at this! Ladybug sent me a love letter. And this is not the first time!”

“Does this mean she knows who you are?” Plagg almost felt bad for being the reason of Adrien’s frown.

“I... I don’t think so. I don’t think this letter was meant for Chat Noir.” When he looked at the letter again, he wasn’t smiling like before. A deep frown took over his face. If that’s the case, then she still didn’t love Chat. But why would she send a love letter to Adrien? She saved him twice but that’s all. This letter was too passionate to be written by a fan and if it wasn’t because she saw his ads around the city and appreciated his work... Then why? Saving him could be considered as ‘crossing paths’ but Adrien couldn’t stop feeling like there was more. There was no way Ladybug could feel so passionately for  _Adrien_. 

“Look, kid.” Plagg said carefully as he floated toward the boy. “You’re thinking too much again. Let’s just go to sleep. The truth will come out soon.”

Adrien wanted to say no. He wanted to stay up all night, thinking about his Lady. He wanted to memorize every single word of this letter and imagine her writing it with a shy smile on her pretty face. He wanted to understand why she was giving Adrien a letter and not Chat Noir. 

He sighed.

“Okay, Plagg. You’re right. Let’s go to sleep.”

The second paper appeared 2 days later. Adrien was, of course, thinking about the first one non-stop since he found it. This time it was a creamy yellow coloured paper. And unfortunately, he found it while he was walking out of school with Nino. His friend, as usual, teased him light-heartedly. 

“Oh, another admirer? You win at life, bro.” Adrien felt uncomfortable under Nino’s gaze and tried to shove the paper in his bag without wrinkling it. For some reason, the letter felt way too personal to show his best friend. 

“Like you need any luck when you have an amazing girlfriend.” Alya appeared behind them out of nowhere and wrapped her right arm around Nino’s shoulder.

“You are my luck, babe.” Nino said brightly, as he wrapped his arm around Alya’s waist. 

“Aren’t you cute?” Alya’s eyes wandered to Adrien’s hand as Marinette appeared next to her quietly.  “What is it, sunshine?”

“Um, it’s nothing—” 

“Adrien has another secret admirer.” Nino answered before Adrien could dodge the question. Alya and Marinette’s eyes met for a brief second, then Alya turned to Adrien with a sly smile.

“Oh, really? Did you already read it, pretty boy?” Adrien was used to Alya’s teasing and deep down he actually liked it. First, Adrien was sure Alya was only friends with him because she was Nino’s girlfriend and they were hanging out together time to time. But banter, names and jokes made him feel like Alya actually considered him as a friend. And it made him so happy. He only hoped his friendship with Marinette would develop like this as well.

“No.” He answered softly. “Not yet.”

“Come on, open it. Let’s read it.” Nino said excitedly. Adrien’s eyes went between Nino and the letter. They did it before. It’s not like they were mocking the girls. But Nino was curious. He’s never gotten a love letter before. Of course, being the amazing person he is, he had offers yet none of them ever sent him a love letter. Adrien told him that most of those letters weren’t actually love letters and they didn’t genuinely like him the way those girls liked Nino. So, he should consider himself lucky. And it was something they did time to time, Adrien would open the letter, they would read it and sometimes joke about how those girls didn’t realize what a huge dork Adrien actually is. 

But this... this one was different. He immediately knew that this was the same person who sent the dusty pink coloured paper. And he was dying to read it. But something inside him was screaming him to read it alone and cherish it. 

“I, umm, I think I’ll read it later.” This time he managed to shove it into his bag. Alya eyed him with those sharp journalist eyes of her which made Adrien feel like he was about to blurt out every single secret in his short life. He coughed uncomfortably. “Anyway, guys. Nathalie is already waiting for me. I should go.” He walked backwards as he waved at them. “See you later, guys. Bye Marinette.”

“Bye Adrien.” Marinette said quietly as she waved at him with a disheartened expression. As he turned, a frown took over Adrien’s face. Maybe his friendship with Marinette needed more time.

_“_ _I seek to see that genuine smile of yours every day_ _... You shine so bright when you smile with your eyes, diamonds look dull next to you. No wonder I think about you every night when I look up to stars. And I see stars every time I look at you. Yet none of them could shine like you do.”_

It was good that Plagg was focused on his camembert because if he saw Adrien’s reddened face, he would never stop teasing him for blushing so hard over a note. Adrien read it again. And again. Most people would laugh at a letter like this, it was cheesy and way too serious for a teenager. Yet, it was just perfect for a hopeless romantic like Adrien.  

“Someone looks at me and... they actually see me.” Adrien muttered to himself.

“I see you, too.” Plagg looked at Adrien behind his huge piece of camembert. Adrien smiled at him politely.

“Umm, thanks Plagg but I think this is different.” Plagg shrugged.

“I don’t get why you are so impressed with those letters. You’re a model, Adrien. You get this kind of things all the time.” Adrien knew Plagg wouldn’t understand, not because he was heartless or didn’t know how to love (because deep down he knew Plagg loved him in his own way). But Plagg could never understand why Adrien was so desperate to be loved. People admiring you or finding you attractive was flattering but Adrien had a different kind of craving. Giving food to a thirsty man would be useless after all. Adrien’s hunger was for love. Pure love. And this person, whoever they were, knew what he exactly needed.

All he wanted was to feel  _more_. More than his father’s perfect son. More than a pretty face on the covers of magazines. More than polite rich boy. More than a decent friend. More than a second-rate superhero. 

And at the end he wanted to be _less_. Not a model, not famous, not rich, not pretty, not a good fencer, not a good student. He wanted to be a person first, a person who could be loved for simple things. Like being a dork or a hopeless romantic. Just being himself. And not working for it. 

He wanted to be loved without spending every second of his life trying to earn it. 

How could someone feel  _more_  and be  _less_ at the same time?

It’s been 2 years since he stopped believing that his relationship with his father was normal. It wasn’t like he was an idiot who couldn’t see truth or too young to understand. But sometimes being in denial was a lot of easier than dealing with the pain. He was constantly working to gain his father’s approval. His mother was gone and his relationship with Nathalie was completely professional. Gorilla was a kind man yet he almost never spoke to Adrien. 

It was that terrible realization that made it for him. Having so much more than most people around him yet having so little to lose compared to them.

He felt he just woke up from a dream and found himself in a nightmare which was his reality now.

Seeing his friends have all those ‘normal families’ that he was wishing so hard to have made him hope for a love that would make up for what he’s lost. 

He wanted to feel appreciated, loved and accepted every way possible.

Not feeling like erasing the best sides of him to fit in this ‘perfect show’ of his father.

He felt stuck between two worlds, two identities and two lives. Because the line between them was blurred long before. There was no way Adrien could spend his every day acting like Chat. There was a certain freedom came with Chat Noir’s mask which gave him permission to be as silly and dorky as possible. And he liked testing those lines, walking on it. Forcing the limits and breaking through them. Yet, it was what it was. Of course, puns were his and he was a dork deep down however Chat’s excessiveness was mostly due to testing the limits of his new freedom and different possibilities. 

He couldn’t choose between two selves of himself. Chat was supposed to be daring, he was supposed to keep the mood light with his silliness. No matter what his Lady said, he knew she was grateful for his light-heartedness. 

Yet, he couldn’t fully claim Chat’s as himself. 

Most teenagers go through some sort of ‘identity crisis’ where they explore who they are and what they want. But it went deeper with Adrien. What he wants was never a question to be asked since he was a little kid. It was all planned out for him after all. And he was scared to ask who he was because he had no answers to that. All those teenagers didn’t have a secret identity like himself. 

How could he explain to Plagg that’s why he was so enamoured with those letters? It felt like that person actually paid attention to him, saw him and wanted to learn more about him. It felt like Adrien didn’t have to choose between two identities for the first time. He didn’t even know who it was yet he felt like they would accept Chat just as willingly. 

The way this person wrote their letters, one would think Adrien was sun to their solar system. And being this important to someone, being loved by them so passionately and adoringly was so fulfilling for him that, for the first time in his life, he stopped worrying about the meanings, risks and reasons behind everything and he just basked in this pure form of love. 

It was stupefying. 

It wasn’t worship. This person didn’t see him like a second coming or an angel. Nowhere in these letters was it stated that Adrien was flawless, pretty or perfect. The letter wasn’t about what made them love Adrien. It was about how much they loved him. And this is exactly what he was craving for. Just knowing that he was loved without worrying about the reasons. Because with reasons came the fear of disappointing. His father only appreciated him when he did a good job during fashion week or a photoshoot. This was the  _reason_  for his father to love him. His success at what he does. And with this realization came the fear of messing up and disappointing. 

Adrien was truly tired of trying and working so hard to get the love the most people received by simply being themselves. It was unfair, tiring and sickening.

That was what made these letters so important to him. 

It was just that simple.

He felt loved so deeply and truly that he could actually cry. And that was dangerous, too because he was getting addicted to these letters. He didn’t want to ruin this moment by worrying about one day letters could stop coming. And the thought came with yet another realization. 

He must find this person before they gave up on him.

“So, you are back to sending love letters?” Alya shoved her phone into the back pocket of her jeans and focused on her friend instead. Alya was an attentive friend and she realized the moment Marinette stopped talking about Adrien every day. It was hard to notice when her every morning started with Marinette telling her about her romantic dreams or how wonderful Adrien’s latest photoshoot was. The lack of Adrien in their conversations was a striking change. And it came all of a sudden. One day Marinette woke up and stopped talking about Adrien Agreste. So, there was no way Alya could know about the letters until now. The moment she saw the paper in Adrien’s hand, she knew it was Marinette. 

“What?” Alya rolled her eyes at Marinette behind her glasses.

“Adrien, duh.” Marinette bit her lower lip nervously as she looked away.

“Oh, it... it wasn’t me.”

“What?” Alya’s eyes widened. “But I thought—Oh. But they looked like those fancy coloured papers you love to use for special occasions.” Marinette looked down at her feet awkwardly. Of course, Alya would recognize the papers. After all, Marinette wrote her birthday notes with the same paper. 

“It must be a coincidence.” She said at the end, hoping she got better at lying after becoming Ladybug and being forced to lie to her loved ones to protect her secret. Alya scared her sometimes, with those sharp eyes and her intelligence, she was going to figure out Marinette’s every secret one day.

“Oh, Mari.” Alya’s face’s fell and she looked at Marinette with a guilty expression. “I am sorry. I thought it was you. I wouldn’t tease Adrien like that otherwise.” And her guilt only made Marinette feel worse. She was lying to her friend and causing her to feel guilty even though she did nothing wrong. 

“It’s okay, Alya. I don’t think Adrien even reads them.” At least she was being honest now. Adrien got so many love letters and fan-mails. There was no way he paid more attention to hers. 

“Hmm. I don’t know. He seems pretty enamoured with them.” Marinette quickly looked up at Alya. Her eyes widened slightly as she looked at her best friend with a puzzled expression. 

“What?” Alya took her reaction the wrong way. She confused her expression with heartbreak and jealousy. But Alya Césaire was never a lie. And she would always be honest with her friend. It was always better to be honest rather than lying and making things worse. If she told Marinette that Adrien wouldn’t care about some silly letters and definitely didn’t read them, she’d be giving her false hopes, especially if Adrien ended up with the Mysterious Romantic.

“Didn’t you see his face?” She asked carefully. “He was flushed. And when Nino offered to read it together he freaked out. He didn’t want to share his letter. It must be special. Whoever wrote it knew how to impress that guy.”

“Oh.” Marinette turned her eyes away, signalling the end of conversation as she tried to hide her smile. 

“Why did you sign them as Ladybug, Marinette?” The moment Marinette closed her room’s door, Tikki floated in front her with worry in her big blue eyes. 

“Oh, Tikki, I don’t even know.” She pressed her left hand against her tired eyes frustratedly. “I—Every time I tried to confess my feelings to Adrien, it went so wrong. I forgot to sign my poem, Adrien’s father claimed my gift... I thought maybe Ladybug would be different. Maybe with her good luck, this time would be different.” She looked at her kwami between her fingers. “Ugh, I was so stupid. That was a terrible idea.” She threw herself on her bed and buried her face into the pillow. 

Tikki looked down at her Chosen uncertainly as she was coming to a decision. Plagg always blamed Tikki for being boring and way too strict, especially with secret identity stuff. It wasn’t like Plagg didn’t care about their secret but he’s always been okay with their Chosens finding out each other’s identities. Yet, Tikki cared about her Chosens a lot. And Marinette was the kindest, sweetest Ladybug she’s ever worked with in centuries. She deserved to be happy more than anyone else.

“Maybe it wasn’t.” She said strongly once she made a decision. Marinette lifted her head from the pillow and looked at her questioningly.

“What do you mean?” 

“You heard Alya. He seems interested. Maybe he really liked your letters.” Tikki smiled at her, eyes meeting with the other pair of blues. Seeing Marinette’s face lighten up like this totally worth the risk.

“Do you think...” Tikki nodded.

“Maybe.”

Marinette looked at her side, there it was, lying on her desk innocently. The latest letter written for Adrien by her was waiting to be delivered. But instead of slipping it inside Adrien’s bag as always, maybe she could try something else this time.

“Tikki, would you be mad at me if I transformed when there was no akuma?”

Adrien wouldn’t be surprised to find Nathalie waiting in his room with a footage of him escaping from window as Chat Noir. Or an akuma. But not in a million years, he would be prepared to find Ladybug standing in the middle of his room.

First thought that came to his mind was of course ‘omgsheknowsandshessomadatmeforexposingmyselfomg!’. But Ladybug didn’t seem angry or disappointed. At best, she looked flushed and nervous. And since the day they met, Adrien never saw her like this. So unlike herself. Ladybug was capable, she was confident. She was strong and she always had that brilliant smile on her. But now her smile was shy and her eyes weren’t directed at him like they always did. She looked at him under her lashes, biting her lower lip anxiously.

“Ladybug?” It came out as a question because he still wasn’t sure if he was dreaming. But Plagg wasn’t floating around and asking for more cheese because it’s been so long since the breakfast so, this must be real.

“Hello.” Her voice was barely higher than a whisper. Adrien took a step forward. Ladybug’s arms were crossed behind her and she shifted her weight nervously from one foot to the other.

“Umm, hello?” He wanted to slap himself for sounding so uncertain and nervous. He was definitely not making this any easier for her. “Since you don’t seem to be in hurry, I assume there’s no akuma?” He tried to lighten the mood. Ladybug actually smiled this time.

“Oh, no. Don’t worry. There isn’t an akuma. I...” She looked down at her feet and took a deep breath before walking in front of him, finally meeting his eyes directly as green and blue looked into each other. “I thought it would be better to deliver this one by hand this time.” 

That’s when Adrien realized her hand was between them and she was holding something. A paper. A red paper which most definitely looked like the ones he received so far. His eyes grew wider as he looked down at her.

“It was you? It was actually you?” He asked again because he couldn’t believe the spark of hope in him was correct. It was Ladybug standing front of him and offering him a love letter. 

Ladybug shrugged shyly and she looked around his room to avoid his piercing eyes (and that adorable shocked puppy look on his face).

“Yes. I know it must be weird for you since I’m just a girl in a mask and you don’t even know me yet—”

“No!” Adrien interrupted her quickly. “It’s not weird because, umm, I actually wrote a poem for you once.” Ladybug’s eyes finally met his again and she grinned at him.

“Oh, yes. I know that.” Adrien’s cheek reddened as he felt Plagg moving in his pocket, probably laughing at their awkward interaction. 

“You got it? I thought I tossed it out.” It was Ladybug’s turn to look shocked and shy at the same time when her eyes grew bigger with surprise and maybe worry. 

“Umm, no, I—Actually, this is conversation for another day.” She looked at his window over her shoulder. “I really need to go now. I just wanted to deliver this in person because it didn’t feel fair to give you letters yet never facing you.”

“I’m glad you did.” He wanted her to know what her letters meant to him, especially now that he knew they were coming from her. “I really loved them.”

“And I’m glad to hear that.” She lifted her hand to give the letter to Adrien. The moment blond boy took it from her, she walked backwards toward his window, reaching for her yo-yo. “Wait!” Ladybug was still facing him so she just looked at him. “Will I see you again?”

“I would like that a lot. If you want to, that is.”  Adrien wanted to tell her that, this was all he’s ever wanted. 

“Yes. I want to. I really want to see you again.” Ladybug nodded and awarded him with a gorgeous smile.

“Okay then.” And then she left Adrien standing there dumbfoundedly with a love letter in his hand that he was dying to read, but only when he could make his mind work normally again. 

_“I have been wanting to write this letter for a long time. This won’t be like the other notes I gave you. In this letter, I am not going to try to ‘woo’ you as my best friend says. I am going to be honest (as much as possible with secret identities). There will be no fancy words._

_Yes, I like you, for a very long time now. And I am taking a risk now. One mistake and you can figure out my identity. But still, I was always ready to take any risk for you anyway. I have always been impulsive when it comes to you. And it takes a lot of courage to write this yet I am_ _stil_ _l scared_ _. If someone finds out how much you mean to you, what would they do to you? What would Papillon do? Maybe I am being selfish, to follow my heart’s desire, I’m putting you in a_ _danger. But_ _trust me when I say this, I would never let anyone hurt you. And I am not talking about_ _akumas_ _or Papillon. From the_ _moment_ _I_ _first_ _talked to you (_ **_really_ ** _talked to you) and saw that sadness in your eyes, that doubt, I wanted to do nothing but protect you. From everything and everyone._

_Maybe it wouldn’t be so selfish if I told you that I see you. I just don’t look at you. I see you. And I want you to know, I like everything I see. There’s so much more to you than what the world sees. There’s so much to love. And if you let me, I would like to love every part of you._

_Love, LB”_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I realized that I really don't like this fic, I am giving up but I already wrote +8k for this chap so.... I am just gonna post this here aaaand.. bye  
> Also, what's proofread? I don't know her

After meeting Adrien Agreste, truly meeting him, under the heavy rain of a September day in Paris, there was no way she could completely understand and be prepared for what was coming. It was a confusing process. She’s never had a crush before. Above all, she was supposed to run around the city wearing skin tight spandex suit and fighting evilized citizens? Maybe it was okay to be confused.

She definitely saw Adrien’s face long before they met at school. He’s been a model for a couple of years and his father was basically a god to Marinette’s creative side. But it was his father’s designs that attracted Marinette’s attention. It wasn’t until meeting him that made her aware of the person wearing them as well. 

First month was terrible. She couldn’t understand why she was stammering so bad and blushing so hard. Chloé’s mockery made it all worse. Alya simply laughed at her obliviousness. She told Marinette that the petite girl definitely had a crush on their new classmate. Marinette was mortified. 

She didn’t have a crush on their pretty adorable, handsome, cute, sweet, quiet, kind classmate, thank you very much. But then she started to see him everywhere. He was everywhere. His face was on billboards and magazine covers, haunting her. She never paid attention before but it felt like she couldn’t escape from his gaze now, it was taunting her to accept the truth. 

Then Rose saw her looking at one of those magazines that she hid between her biology book. Rose was the sweetest person Marinette’s ever met, she was calm, quiet and adorable, Marinette could never think blonde girl had any ill will.

“What are you looking at, Marinette?” Other girl's sweet voice startled her so bad that she dropped her biology book and the magazine fell down, spread wide open. Adrien’s smiling face was looking at her almost mockingly. She blushed so hard that she could swear she had fever. She tried to lean down and grab the magazine and her book but she accidentally dropped her purse from her lap. Closing her eyes tightly for a second as she inhaled, she wondered why she couldn’t be as lucky or graceful as Ladybug. 

“I was, umm, looking at... things. Clothes! Yeah, because I love designing and I like clothes. I think clothes are rad! Not the people in them. Not that they are—” She finally got on her knees to grab her book when another hand grabbed her magazine and she looked up to thank the person but—No.

“Hi.” He smiled at her sweetly. She wanted to scream and punch him in the face before running away to Antartica. 

“Hola!” She bit her tongue to stop herself from groaning out loud. She didn’t even speak Spanish, what was her problem? “I mean, hi.”

“Here.” He never stopped smiling, even when she was being a huge mess in front of him (and Juleka and Rose, oh no!).  He held out the magazine toward her. “I guess this is yours.”

“Thanks to you. I mean, thanks. Thank you.” She grabbed the magazine so tightly that her knuckles turned white. 

“No problem.” He got on his feet and extended his hand to her. She looked at his hand for a moment which made Adrien nervous. He was worried about crossing a line. It’s been only a couple of days since he explained himself and apologized. They weren’t really friends but he hoped they would be. Nino said Marinette was the most amazing person you could ever meet, after all.

She finally grabbed his hand with her own shaky one and let Adrien pull her on her feet. She wiped the dirt on her pants nervously, using this as an excuse to avoid looking at the blond in front of her. Adrien just smiled wider and waved at all three of them.

“See you at class.”

“I would love to!” Marinette squeaked and waved back awkwardly. Juleka eyed her too-big-too-awkward smile with a blank expression as Rose mumbled about how romantic and cute they were. 

“Hi, girls!” Alya took a one look at Marinette and saw her friend was waving at... nothing. 

“She’s been waving after Adrien for the past 2 minutes.” Juleka affirmed Alya’s suspicions. She rolled her eyes and grabbed Marinette’s arm, stopping her from waving any longer. Marinette blinked twice like she just noticed Alya’s presence. It was possibly the case.

“Oh, hi Alya!” She rolled her eyes again.

“Come on, Mari. You can look at Adrien as much as you want at the class.”

“I am not looking at him!” Blue eyed girl squeaked again as her cheeks reddened immediately. 

“You don’t have to be ashamed of your crush, Marinette.” Rose said sweetly. “I think you two would look so cute together.”

“I don’t have a crush!” Her screamed caused Juleka to cover her ears as people turned around to look at their normally quiet friend with surprised expressions. Marinette’s blush spread to her entire face. “I don’t have a crush on... I don’t.”

“Girl, you can draw a detailed picture of the back of his head. You probably memorize every single hair strand on that blond head. You burn a hole—”

“Okay, okay! Stop. That is enough.” She covered her face with her hands and groaned.

“I am just saying, girl.” Alya wrapped her arm around Marinette’s shoulder. Marinette uncovered her face to look at her friend. “There is nothing wrong with having a crush on a pretty boy.” 

“But I can’t have a crush!” Alya raised an eyebrow at Marinette’s mortified expression. Dark haired girl placed her hands on her cheeks and looked at distance with wide eyes. “But he’s just so...” Alya looked at her hooded eyes and dreamy expression and shook her head.  

“Oh, no. This is worse than I thought.” Rose giggled and wrapped her arms around Juleka’s unmoving body. 

“He’s like one of those gentlemen from cheesy Hollywood movies. He’s kind enough to apologize for something that was not even his fault. And he’s so cute and sweet and polite—”

“Girl—”

“...He has the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen, they are so green like the grass during a beautiful summer day. His hair is the prettiest shade of blond, I swear, it looks like he’s wearing a halo every time sun shines on his silky hair and—”

“Oh my God.” Juleka groaned as Rose sighed dreamily. Marinette shook her head furiously like she just woke up from a nightmare.

“But I don’t have a crush on him.” Alya pinched the bridge of her nose as she tried to stay calm. It was too early for Marinette’s breakdowns. 

“Girl, you just wrote a long ass essay on his personality and physical appearance.”

“Just accept you think he’s hot and move on.” Juleka added blankly. Marinette’s eyes widened again with horror.

“Oh my God. I have a crush.” Alya grinned at her as she pulled her bewildered friend toward the school doors.

“Yeap.”

“Oh, no!”

Since then there had been several failed love confessions, love letters and gifts. For a person with good luck-based superhero identity, she was quite unlucky when it came to her love life. That’s when she thought about using Ladybug’s good luck to change the fate of her love life. At first, it sounded like a terrible idea. A big no-no. But she was so desperate, it’s been so long since she first set her eyes on him and felt that flutter in her heart yet improved so little. Almost nothing changed between them, not the way she wanted. Their best friends were dating and they were both really sweet but shy people, they talk sometimes, even hang out. She was happy yet heartbroken to hear that Adrien considered her as a good friend. She was, of course, happy to be his friend but deep down she was hoping for more yet she got nothing. 

That’s how she decided to risk it all, for once, she wanted something for herself. She was working her ass off to balance school, social life and superhero identity while also helping her parents at the bakery, she had to make so many sacrifices. All she wanted was one thing. 

She wanted to be close to him, she wanted to be wrapped in his warmth, to see him look at her adoringly just like she looks at him. She wanted to look at him without the fear of getting caught and appreciate his beauty. She wanted him to smile down at her as they share a blanket during winter break, as snow falling down, she wanted him to cup her face between his hands and kiss her slowly, like the gentle and pure soul he was.

She knew she was loved. Her parents never let her spend a day without telling her ‘I love you’s, but this craving was for a different kind of love. She was craving for  _his_  love, she didn’t understand at first, how can someone be so desperate to be loved by a specific person? 

She thought being friends would relieve this craving at least but on the contrary, it made her feel more desperate. And seeing how easy and beautiful Alya and Nino’s relationship was, it was hard to pretend like that’s not what she wanted. And this want increased when she realized Adrien didn’t get the love he deserved. Nino told them once, when Adrien was away, how controlling and cold Gabriel was. He didn’t let him have anything that wasn’t material. He had everything yet nothing at the same time. And Marinette has always been loving and caring. She had so much love in her heart to share that she could spare some more for Adrien. It wouldn’t make up for his father’s absence maybe but she still wanted to drown him in love and affection he deserved for simply being who he was. 

_“I promise with_ _all_ _my_ _might, I will always protect you. I will never let anything happen to you. And if I can help it, I’ll never let anyone break your heart again. Never make you feel alone, unloved and rejected again.”_

_-LB_

“Can you believe it, Tikki?! He wants to see me again!” Marinette buried her face into the pillow and squeaked. This was the best solution since she couldn’t call Alya and scream on the phone for hours. Tikki watched her Chosen with big blue eyes and a bright smile. It wasn’t an easy decision. It never was. Yet, seeing her Chosen so happy was worth the risks. Tikki just hoped that no one would get hurt at the end. 

“I told you, Marinette. He likes you.” Marinette lifted her head and looked at her kwami under her bangs. Her expression was between disbelief and dreamy. 

“He  _does_  like me.” She repeated because it was so hard to believe. She could probably repeat it to her reflection on the mirror several times to make herself believe and understand. Her happiness was almost overwhelming. For a very long time, she was hoping for this yet she could never truly believe this time would come. 

Adrien became the main character of her dreams and since the beginning of this crush, she put him in a place that her dreams and fantasies were always so pure. Because Adrien has never been a simple attraction. She loved him in a deeper, more pure way. It wasn’t a pedestal, she put him up and high due to the pureness of her feelings, not because she thought he was perfect. She loved him the way he was, she didn’t need him to be perfect. And her feelings for him went so deep, even at the beginning, that she could never bring him down to simple wet dreams. 

He wasn’t completely unreachable but it was a long way up there and she was struggling for a while. But now, she understood. Ladybug was already there, she could stand with him and maybe one day Marinette could do, too. 

It wasn’t like she was self-conscious or anything. She would never change herself for another person, she loved herself the way she was (okay, maybe less clumsy would be good, too). Reaching him didn’t mean getting on his level or he was in a higher place than her. It simply meant getting close to him, knowing the real him and appreciating every side of him. It was how she wanted to love him. And she could do that as Ladybug.

She rolled onto her back, spreading her arms and legs and she looked up at her ceiling with hooded eyes. Heart bursting open with love, affection and that new warm feeling of knowing you’re loved and appreciated. Knowing you love the right person. Feeling happy for loving that person. 

“I love him.” She looked at Tikki, a small smile appearing on her lips. She looked truly happy and that’s what Tikki always wanted. “I really love him.”

Kwami smiled back.

“I know you do.”

Marinette wasn’t the only one who noticed Adrien’s brighter mood during the day. Alya set her sharp eyes on their sunshine haired classmate. If looks could kill, Adrien would be nothing more than a pile of bones right now. Marinette couldn’t help but felt guilty. Alya was trying to look out for her, Adrien finding a love would mean Marinette’s heart getting broken in Alya’s book. And it was a big no-no for her. The problem with Alya was, she could be really protective sometimes. And despite not being sad (not even slightly), making Adrien a target for Alya and not being able to say anything about it was unnerving. 

“Do you think he already met the owner of those letters?” Alya whispered as her eyes traced every centimetre of Adrien closely. Marinette was glad that her friend wasn’t looking at her. She could hide her guilty and embarrassed expression better this way.

“I don’t know, Alya. But I think it’s none of our business.” Alya looked at her behind her glasses with wide eyes.

“What?”

“I mean... if he’s happy...”

“Are you serious?” Alya asked quietly. “Last time someone showed interest in Adrien you literally freaked out. You have been crushing on him for so long. But suddenly you are okay with it?”

“I don’t know, Alya.” She said nervously. “I don’t want to talk about this. But please leave him alone. Don’t question him, okay?” Alya looked at her quietly for a moment, then nodded.

“Okay.”

The second time Ladybug found herself in Adrien’s room was not planned. She was trying to find her muse when she got a text from Alya saying that Nino told her Adrien got injured during his fencing training. She quickly added that it was nothing serious and she shouldn’t be worried. He only had a sprained ankle and was resting at home so, he wouldn’t come to school next day. Alya wanted to warn her despite Marinette’s latest change of heart.

Of course, Marinette was worried. 

She wanted to see him so bad and Ladybug actually had that luxury. Also, Ladybug could cheer him up. Swinging around the city with a hot soup in her hand was a terrible idea (also, he wasn’t really sick) but she could bring him croissant or kouign amann. She knew Adrien liked kouign amann and her father had the best recipe in the entire France. Probably. 

That’s how she found herself within the borders of Gabriel Agreste’s mansion. Her idol. Her idol that she met 2 times before. One through an iPad and another one was face to face where she admitted she was one of his son’s admirers. After all this time, thinking about it still made her an anxious wreck. 

She took a deep breath, cleared her mind and knocked on his window.

The response was immediate. 

He got off his bed messily, hopped on one foot. She almost felt bad for making him leave his bad and struggle to walk but seeing his happy, adorable face behind the window was enough to confirm that she made the right decision. 

“Hello, Adrien.” She said with a smile as soon as he opened his window. 

“Hi, Ladybug.” He greeted back giddily. “Come in.” She swung inside his room once he stepped back and landed on her feet lightly.

“What brought you here?” He asked when she turned to face him. “I am glad you are here but... did something happen?”

“Nope.” She said sweetly. “I heard you had a little accident and I wanted to see how you are doing.” It was dazzling to see how his cheeks reddened and he looked down, one hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Ah, that’s... really nice of you.” She lifted the paper bag in her other hand.

“And I brought you pastry.” He took the paper bag from her hand.

“God, you are amazing. Thank you!” She slightly blushed at his praise under the mask. 

“Sorry! I am keeping you on your feet when you are injured!” She wrapped one arm around his waist without thinking and lead him toward the bed. Adrien blush spread to his entire face, making him look like an adorable teenager and not a professional young model. 

“T-Thanks.” He mumbled as he sat down, patting next to him as an invitation. She sat down next to him, carefully putting a safe distance between their bodies.

“No problem.” She smiled at him. “I hope you get better soon.”

“I already feel better.” His eyes went between the floor of his room and Ladybug’s eyes shyly. 

“I’m glad to hear that.” They fell into an awkward silence after that, both avoiding to look at each other with dusty pink coloured cheeks. 

“So... umm, you want one?” He pointed at the paper bag sitting on his nightstand. 

“These are for you.” She giggled in the cutest way possible. With a moment of courage that reminded of his Chat side (because despite everything Chat has always been a part of him, it was his mother’s side that was buried deep inside his soul the moment she was gone and his father turned into an ice cube, not allowing him to feel anything inside the house), he reached forward and grabbed her gloved hand. Her giggles cut sharply, blue eyes widening as she looked down at their hands. He feared that it might be a mistake. But she didn’t pull her hand back, she didn’t push him. She let him hold her hand. It was still a win. Small victories.

“Thank you.” He said genuinely. “And not only for pastry or coming here but... thank you. For being you. For always being there.” Her eyes softened.

“Adrien...”

“No.” He shook his head. “I just... I don’t know how to explain this but, I really have strong feelings...for you.”  Ladybug’s eyes widened at his honesty however Adrien couldn’t meet her blue ones. It took all his courage and effort to make this speech and he couldn’t face her. “I know what you are thinking! It’s just a celebrity crush, admiring the hero of Paris—”

“One of them.” She corrected him automatically. Because she was used to people not giving Chat any credit, it was like a reflex to her now. 

“...But it’s not like that.” He sighed deeply and closed his eyes, hands balling into fists on his thighs. “There are so much I wish to tell you but I can’t. And I can’t tell you how but I feel like we know each other for so long and sometimes knowing you are out there really brightens my day when nothing else can and I am rambling right now, probably sounding like a hopeless idiot but—I really like you.” He didn’t open his eyes until he heard Ladybug giggling softly. It wasn’t the reaction he expected but she wasn’t laughing at him clearly, she would never, so, maybe it was a good sign?

“Adrien.” She said as he opened his eyes to look at her shyly. Her eyes were wide with excitement, joy and affection, her smile was cheerful, big and mind-blowingly pretty. He felt like he was crushing under her gaze. She was a sight to be admired. “I feel the same way.”

“About me?” His eyebrows disappeared under his bangs with surprise. She grinned at him.

“No, about your cat.” Adrien frowned.

“I don’t have a cat?” 

“Exactly.” Adrien laughed at his own silliness. Of course, she meant him. He was so nervous to think clearly. 

“So...” Blond model cleared his throat anxiously. 

“So...” She repeated with a playful manner. She shifted her body slightly, sitting closer to him. Adrien could almost feel the warmth of her skin or the material of her suit. Adrien turned his body toward her slowly, their knees were touching. He looked into her pretty eyes. They didn’t speak as he reached forward and held her hands in his. Her fingers closed around Adrien’s. 

“Can I... can I kiss you?” 

“Please do.”

Adrien’s hands were shaking as he slowly reached forward, cupping her face in his hands, with some miracle they managed to keep the eye contact as he way too slowly leaned forward. It was almost frustrating. With the courage that came with the spots and the knowledge of she was about to kiss the boy of her dreams, her hands grabbed the collar of his white shirt and pulled him down. Adrien’s eyes grew bigger as their lips crashed against each other and their eyes fluttered closed. 

For a moment Adrien’s hands stayed in the air right next to her face, not knowing what to do. But as Ladybug’s lips sucked his lower lip, he wrapped his hands on her biceps and pulled her body closer. One of her hands went to his neck and travelled up into his silky blond hair as she saw in movies and her other hand caressed the skin of his cheek. She dreamed of doing this for so long that she didn’t care if it was weird to caress someone’s cheek while they were kissing. 

As Adrien pulled back to breath, she stayed still without opening her eyes. Adrien’s green eyes traced her face, admiring her serene and glowing expression. She was so damn beautiful, it almost hurt to look at her. 

He was about to lean down and kiss her again when her earring beeped. Of course, Adrien knew the meaning of this very well but he didn’t want to make her suspicious.

“What is that?” He asked with the most innocent expression. He was used to using this expression against Gorilla and Nathalie. His father was immune to it and there was a 50% chance Nathalie would buy it however it always worked on the Gorilla. 

She sighed loudly and opened her eyes with an apologetic expression on her pretty face.

“I am sorry. I know it’s a terrible moment but... I have to leave.”

“Oh.” He tried to look surprised however his disappointment wasn’t fake. Her red and black gloved hand grabbed his hand and caressed the back of it softly. 

“I swear, I don’t want to. But I will de-transform soon if I don’t.” He wasn’t surprised that she didn’t explain him her kwami. Ladybug wasn’t like him. As Adrien, he was all games, masks and secrets because his father was forcing his hand. He had to keep secrets, play obedient son and act all happy to protect his only source of socializing: school. But as Chat he was a damn open book because despite the secret identities and the mask, there was no reason to hide. As Chat he was no one. He wasn’t Gabriel Agreste’s son. He wasn’t d’Argencourt’s star pupil. He was a random boy in a cat suit. But Ladybug was secretive like Adrien. She was always careful and she would never reveal more than necessary.

“No, no.” He said quickly. “I understand. I mean, I don’t but I do? Sorry, this makes no sense.” He wanted to hit himself in the face with the thickest edition of Les Mis. “What I am trying to say is, if you need to leave, that’s okay. I understand.” She giggled again. Adrien noticed that she never giggled this much around Chat. He didn’t know what this meant but it didn’t sit well with a deep, buried side of him.

“You are so cute.” She blurted out. But she didn’t seem embarrassed. She looked at their hands and lifted his with her one, planting a very soft kiss of the back of his hand. Adrien’s eyes grew wider and his breath left his lungs. Ladybug dropped his hand and got on her feet quickly.

“Now, I really need to leave.” She laughed awkward. “I guess I will see you later?” Adrien simply nodded. His other hand was cradling the one that Ladybug kissed minutes ago. “Bye!”

“Marinette, please, calm down.” Tikki looked down at her Chosen with a worried expression as Marinette buried her face into the pillow and screamed, pillow muffling most of the sound. “It’s not that bad.”

“I kissed his hand.” She whined pathetically. “It’s all Chat’s fault! Why did I think it was a good idea?!”

“Well...” Tikki looked around the room nervously. “Maybe you liked Chat kissing your hand so you did the same for Adrien.” Marinette lifted her head from the pillow and looked at her kwami with a blank expression.

“I don’t like Chat kissing my hand.” Tikki tried to smile as she floated closer.

“It’s okay if you do. There’s nothing wrong with that.”  But Marinette whined and buried her head into the pillow again.

“Ugh! I love Adrien, why would I like Chat’s kisses? That makes no sense!”

“Maybe she liked my kisses.” Adrien grinned ear to ear which made Plagg a bit nausea. “Maybe she likes Chat kissing her hand?”

“I am sure no one likes your kisses.” Plagg crossed his tiny arms with a know-it-all expression. Adrien’s good mood didn’t waver, without dropping his grin from his face, he reached forward and cupped Plagg in his hand, placing a very loud and wet kiss of tiny Cat-like god’s head. “Gross!” Plagg pushed his Chosen’s face away with his paws. “Stay away from me, human!”

Adrien laughed and let his body drop back on his bed with a quiet thud. His arms fell by his sides as he gazed up at his ceiling with a dreamy expression.

“Plagg.”

“Hmm?” Tiny god was rubbing the spot Adrien kissed with his paws. 

“I love her.” Plagg turned his big green eyes at the blond boy with an impassive expression.

“Tell me something I don’t know, kid.” But Adrien rolled onto his side like he wasn’t hearing his kwami and wrapped his arms around the pillow, pressing it against his chest.

“I really love her.”

 

Days passed quickly, Adrien didn’t see Ladybug again except that one time she saved him from an akuma attack and pressed a soft kiss against his cheek when she was sure no one was around and went after the akuma quickly before Adrien could react. While Marinette was being extra careful to keep her distance and limit their interactions to friendly greetings in fear of drawing Alya’s attention with suspicious actions, Adrien was too distracted to notice any of that. He was gazing at school walls with a dreamy expression most of the time, drawing silly nothings on his books and barely taking any notes. Not knowing Marinette’s ‘definitely passed, it’s gone now’ crush, Nino joked about Adrien being head over heels in love with the mystery girl, which ended up with Alya poking Nino’s ribs annoyedly and telling him to shut up. It only confused Nino more but Marinette could pay very little attention to them. She, like Adrien, was in her dreamland most of the time. She was just better at hiding it. 

It was only a matter of time their happiness would crumble down on them.

Since his mother disappeared, Adrien barely spent any time with his father. Gabriel Agreste was always too busy to spend any time with his own son. During the first year, Adrien was heartbroken and lonely. He wanted to give his father more time and space, feeling like it was his responsibility to take care of his father despite being only 14. Second year was numb and cold. Adrien started to accept his new life and reality. His father loved him in his own way and he didn’t have any time for him. That was okay. At least he had school and his friends. Third year was acceptance. He started to accept his father the way he was. He no longer spent every minute trying to impress him or make him proud. Adrien was his own person, he had his own interests and he didn’t always have to do what his father wanted. The problem was, while Adrien was changing and growing, Gabriel didn’t. He was still expecting to see the obedient 14 years old in front of him. 

After all this time, it was surprising to hear that his father wanted to have dinner together. A part of Adrien, his younger self, was so happy. But another part of him was suspicious. Why would his father want to have dinner with him all of a sudden?

Of course, as usual, Gabriel managed to break the heart of his 14 years old self in Adrien.

“We are having a meeting with Laurent and his creative team tomorrow.” Gabriel said after 15 minutes of awkward small talk and then silence. Adrien lifted his head from his plate and looked at his father.

“That’s good.” He was wary, his father didn’t talk about work with him unless it was including Adrien himself. 

“I want you to be there. I want you to meet Laurent properly. The last time you met, you were a child.” He took a bite from his steak. “He wants you to model for his new creation.” Adrien held back a long sigh. He didn’t mind modelling. It wasn’t his favourite activity. But he earned his own money at a very young age and he met really cool people along the way. Also, it made his father happy. 

“I didn’t think you would want me to model for someone else when your new line is coming out soon.”

“Laurent is an old friend and I think it’s good for you to start a more professional career.” Well, he was planning to have a movie night with Nino at his home but Nino was nice enough to postpone it if Adrien asked. 

“Okay.” He agreed. “I am free after my Chinese lesson tomorrow.”

“No.” Gabriel put down his knife and fork and looked directly into Adrien’s eyes. “I meant lunch, not dinner.”

“But my lunch time is only—” Gabriel interrupted him coldly.

“I meant no school, Adrien. You are with me tomorrow.” His heart stopped beating for a second. It wasn’t just about missing classes or not being able to see his friends for a day. The thing that really bothered him was his father never caring about Adrien’s education, his plans or feelings. 

“I will miss all my classes.” He insisted weakly. “My midterm exams are next week. I can’t miss any class right now.”

“You are a smart kid. You will be fine.” Gabriel didn’t even bother to look at him as he annoyedly dismissed his worries. 

“But—” He tried to fight back but Gabriel silenced him with a simple move of his wrist. 

“I allow you to attend that school because this is what you want, for some unknown reason. I thought it was a phase but... Stop kidding yourself, Adrien. Stop lying to yourself. What does that school even give you? You received the best education possible. You are smart and far ahead of whatever they teach you in those classes. We both know missing one or two days of school won’t change anything for you.” He took a sip from his blood red wine, icy blue eyes never leaving Adrien’s face. “Is this about fitting in? Is this why you are doing this? You want to be like other kids? Well, you are not, Adrien. You aren’t like them and you never will be. You are my son. You are special. Unique. I let you be for so long, but it’s better if you start to act like you who really are.” Adrien’s eyes were focused on his plate, never blinking in case hot tears would roll down his cheek in front of his father. He couldn’t imagine something more embarrassing and humiliating than that. 

Gabriel’s face softened, as much as possible for him with his cold and unforgiving nature. 

 _“You always try to be something you are not, Adrien.”_  Young model’s hands balled into fists under the table while he tried to control his expression. Warmth of Plagg’s tiny body pressed against his chest was the only thing keeping him seated instead of fleeing. 

All he wanted to do was flee. 

_You are my son and expect nothing less than perfect from_ _you_. 

Adrien could never forget what Gabriel told him when he got home from a fencing competition with a silver medal in his hand and a huge grin on his 14 years old face. He was so excited that he didn’t even mind Gabriel missing the match or not greeting him when he got home. He begged Nathalie to ask his father to have dinner with him to show his medal.

And that was all he got.

 _You are my son and expect nothing less than perfect from you_. 

“It’s like, he always wants to watch me fail. So that he can say ‘I told you so’. Like I am one of his employees and he’s trying to teach me a lesson.” His knuckles turned white as he grabbed the sink tightly. 

“Adrien...” Plagg’s tiny head appeared from the inside pocket of his shirt, flying into his eye level. 

“I am not—I won’t— I can’t.” He took a deep breath to bite back his tears. “I can’t be what he wants me to be.” He looked at his reflection in the mirror. “I will be never good enough for him.” Did Gabriel even know, when he told him he was trying to be something else, that it was true, Adrien was trying to be something else but it wasn’t for him. It was for his father. He was always trying to be what his father wanted or needed him to be.

“You don’t have to be good enough for him.” Plagg said softly. “You are good enough to be Chat Noir according to Master Fu and I agree with him. You are good enough for Ladybug. Good enough for Nino. So, who cares what your old man thinks?”

“Because I am an idiot and I still care. I say I grew up but secretly I still hope I will be able to impress him one day.” His teeth clenched as he felt tears building up.

“Look, Adrien—” Plagg settled on his shoulder.  “It’s only important what you see. If you keep letting him tell you who you are, you will start to believe it.” Different shades of green eyes met through their reflection on the mirror. 

_It’s only important what you see._

What did he see?

Adrien’s eyes turned back to his own face. For a second, he saw Chat Noir in all his glorified masked self. Looking back at him, smirking. His smirk wasn’t the one he was used to see on Ladyblog, it wasn’t playful or friendly. It felt insulting and sardonic. This image felt like an entity that Adrien could never reach no matter how much he tried. It was him, he was Chat Noir but for that one second, it represented everything he’s wanted to be, hoped to be and it was unreachable. His freedom, his courage, his will... they all disappeared immediately with that image and left behind nothing but an obedient son. A son who is always afraid to disappoint, afraid to lose what little privilege he had in this huge mansion. A son who struggled to understand what he’s supposed to be and what he wanted to be. 

Adrien looked at mirrors a lot, as a model he saw his face all around the city, he was his reflection on cheval glass... Yet, he’s never disliked his own face. Not like now. 

What he saw on the mirror disturbed him, displeased him, made him uncomfortable.

So, in a moment of weakness, he did something really stupid.

He punched his own reflection.

Despite Plagg’s endless complaining, the cut wasn’t that deep, there was barely any blood. His knuckles were covered with tiny, unimportant cuts but they weren’t deep. What worried him was the state of his vanity mirror. Several pieces of glass were lying in his sink. It was going to be hard to explain when someone entered his room to clean it. 

He sighed as he lifted the toilet paper from his knuckles and threw it in the trash can. 

“You are a human disaster.” Plagg muttered annoyedly. Adrien didn’t even bother to answer him as he dropped down on the floor next to his bed without turning the lights on. He liked to sit in the dark, city lights and moon illuminating the walls of his room with different shaped shadows of tree branches from their garden.

“I mean, I always knew—”Plagg’s eyes grew wider as he finally faced his Chosen. “Adrien?” Human eyes might not be advanced enough to see in the dark but even without the city lights shining on his smooth skin, Plagg could still see the tear traces on Adrien’s cheek. More tears slipped without the blond boy making any kind of sound. Plagg’s ears dropped and he closed his eyes, sighing softly. He floated toward Adrien and made himself a nest in his messy blond hair. His little paws massaged his Chosen’s skull as he purred.

Until his body went stiff and he lifted his head, green cat eyes growing wide.

“Plagg—” Before Adrien could say anything, Plagg dived into his bed, hiding under the sheets. Adrien was about to turn behind and ask him what’s wrong when he heard a soft thump coming from his window. His muscles stiffened as he turned to the window.

“Hey! I brought you macarons from your favourite—Adrien, are you alright?” Ladybug’s eyes widened at the sight of him. It wasn’t unusual for Adrien to sit in the dark. He once told her he liked sitting in the dark plus it made sneaking inside easier for Ladybug. Yet, she was not expecting him to sit on the floor, his back pressed against the side of his bed as his green eyes were shining unusually under the moonlight. 

He was crying.

Well, at least his eyes were definitely wet.

“What happened?” She tried to keep her voice low. Adrien wiped his face with the back of his hands.

“Nothing. It’s nothing. I am just being silly.” He threw a shaky smile at her. Her frown deepened.

“It’s not silly if it made you cry.”

“It’s just... It’s something I should have been used to but...” Ladybug placed the paper bag she was holding on his nightstand and slowly sat next to him. 

“Adrien.” The blond boy was looking down at the floor of his room, clearly avoiding looking at her with those shiny, wet eyes. She frowned worriedly at this sight of him. “What’s wrong?”

“I wish...” He took a deep breath, playing with his fingers on his lap nervously. “I wish I was more like you.”

“Like me?” She raised her invisible eyebrows.

“Brave, courageous, strong.”

“Adrien. You are all of these. And so much more.” She wanted to make him believe. She wanted him to see himself the way she saw him. 

“Not like how I want. Not enough.” His hand tightened around the other hand. “Not when it actually mattered.”

“None of us can be always brave, Adrien.” She mumbled, her own gaze falling on the floor. “Not me. Not Chat. Neither you.”

“I wish I didn’t hesitate so much. I wish I didn’t doubt myself so much.” He bit his trembling lower lip, frown deepening. “I wish I could admit that—” He closed his eyes tightly, fingers rubbing eyelids. He opened his eyes again and blinked several times to get rid of the colourful dots and turned his gaze to Ladybug. This time it was her who wasn’t facing the other. Her bangs were almost covering her eyes as she bowed her head down but he could still see the deep frown on her face. She looked fragile, she looked sad, small... human. 

“Hey.” He whispered softly. She lifted her gaze, blue eyes met green ones as Adrien forced a smile. “I am sorry, it wasn’t a good time for me. I didn’t mean to—Please don’t be sad.”

“Don’t apologize.” She answered. “I am glad I came. I hate the idea of you being alone in this huge room while you are so...” She turned eyes away, not finishing her sentence. 

“It’s okay, really. It’s silly teenager hormones, I think.” He chuckled softly. But Ladybug didn’t laugh with him. She looked at him with a soft, worried expression on her face. She didn’t buy his act like she could see right through him. A very uncomfortable thought appeared in his mind then, like she knew him better than anyone else. It didn’t make any sense. She didn’t know him that well. She didn’t know he was Chat. 

“I want you to be happy.” Her hand reached forward and fingers softly brushed his shoulder.

“I am.” His response was memorized, quick and dry. It almost made him wince.

“Are you? Really?” Ladybug’s voice was so soft, so genuine and concerned that he couldn’t help but looked up at her in the darkness of his room. Without Chat Noir’s night vision he could barely see her but her blue eyes were still so clear.

“I just— I...” He closed his eyes tightly and ran a hand through his hair. “I am tired.” He opened his eyes. “That’s all. I am tired.” And it was so simple, people used that word on a daily basis, several times. Yet, it felt like a huge confession to Adrien, lifting some of the weight from his shoulders. It was barely a part of his problems yet it still felt good to admit it out loud.

“I wish I could do something for you.” 

“You don’t have to do anything for me.” He smiled at her softly, this time, more genuinely. “I have my ways of dealing with this.” Ladybug raised an eyebrow.

“Really?” Her voice was almost playful which also lightened up the mood in his room. He grinned at her as he reached inside of the pocket of his jeans.

"Yeah, you are not the only one with a luck charm.” He extended his hand between them. “I should thank Marinette again.”

“Marinette?” Her voice sounded strange but since he could barely see her expression, he wasn’t sure why it felt that way.

“Yeah, this is her lucky charm.” He looked down, opening his hand. “You know, growing up, I didn’t really have friends. Well, except Chloé. I guess you don’t like her considering the amount of akumas she caused but... I did. I still do. She was my only friend and despite everything I know she cares about me. She helped me a lot. She helped me to attend a public school, she helped me when my mother disappeared. And... And it was nice.” Ladybug’s big blue eyes didn’t leave his face but he was too deep in thoughts to meet her gaze. “But then I met my other friends. Nino is amazing. He didn’t know anything about me when he befriended me! I could be arrogant or rude but he still gave me a chance. He’s my best and most important friend. Alya teases me a lot but it makes me feel I truly belong, you know? Like I am part of an inside joke. I have never been a part of an inside joke before.” His smile got bigger. “It’s so nice to feel belonged. Then there’s Marinette.” He pointed at the charm in his hand with his eyes. “She is the nicest person I know. We had a rough start because of something dumb Chloé did but... She still gave me a second chance. That’s what makes her special. There are so many kind people but they are always shy to show their kindness like it’s a weakness while Marinette pours it on you without any shame.” He laughed softly. “I first thought she didn’t like me because I was making her nervous. Maybe it was because she is interested in fashion and wants to work with my father one day. I don’t know. But... she’s so kind. She thinks of everyone. She always makes gifts for everyone, never forgets your birthday. When you are in trouble she’s always there. I can never forget all the things she’s done for me.” His thumb rubbed the big green bead thoughtfully. “I am so lucky to have them as my friends. I have never thought I could find friends like them. I try my best to be worthy of their trust and love. Because I know they trust me and love me as much. And it means so much to me.”

“It must be great to have friends like that.” Ladybug said with a soft and low voice. 

“Yeah, it is.” He smiled to himself. His green eyes turned to the red clad girl in the dark. Moon was shining brightly through his large windows, illuminating her face. Adrien was shocked when he saw the tears in her shiny and bright eyes. “Ladybug? Are you crying?!” 

She wiped her face with the back of her hands and got up on her feet shakily. She was smiling when she looked down at him but her smile felt wrong in some many ways. It was fake, small and shaky.

“Sorry, I have to go.” She muttered quickly as she reached for his window. Adrien was so bewildered that he couldn’t move until she opened his window and climbed up. He got on his feet quickly and reached for her.

“But— Ladybug!” But she was already gone. His arm stayed up in the air, reaching forward as his green eyes were wide with shock and pain. 

“Marinette? Oh, Marinette.” Tikki looked down at worriedly as she sobbed harder into her pillow.

“I am a terrible person.” He choked between heavy sobs.

“No! You are not! What’s wrong? I thought this was what you wanted.” 

“I thought so.” She whispered, barely lifting her head from the pillow to take a deep breath. “But then... then he said all those things and...” She could still see Adrien’s face as he talked about them. About her. It was an image that she would never get out of her mind. “He trusts me so much. The way he talked about me...” Her hands balled into tight fists next to her pillow. “And here I am, using my secret identity to get close to him because I like him. Our friendship means so much to him, he talked about how it keeps him going and how much he relies on us and I am using his attraction to a superhero to manipulate him!”

“That’s not true!” Tikki protested desperately. “You  _do_ love him. And he loves you, too.”

Marinette didn’t say anything for a moment. She lifted her head, eyes barely seeing anything her gaze landed on. Tikki’s heart broke at the wrecked sight of her Chosen.

“I  _do_  love him.” She mumbled suddenly, eyes hardening with determination. “Yes, I love him. This is why I can’t mess this up. His friendship with Marinette is so much more important than nightly visits, some flirting and kisses. He deserves better than this parade. This is wrong.” Tikki was about to object but Marinette continued. “What was I thinking? What could happen? I would just drop the mask one day and he would be okay with it? Knowing that it was me all this time... Who sat there like he wasn’t revealing his weaknesses to me, talking about me like I am some kind of angel without saying anything. If it was me, I would feel naked, betrayed, played with.” Her eyes closed tightly and she came to the hardest decision of her short life.

“Ladybug must never see Adrien again. This must end before it gets too far.”

At the end, she had to break her promise. 

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what I am doing (maybe because I changed my antidepressants and I feel so awkward lol), my friend always tells me I am as romantic as a block :(
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading, I'm lanthimo on tumblr


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